Marriage

• Ecclesiastes 4: 8-9…Two are better than one.  If one falls, the other lifts him up.  Woe unto him who is alone when he falleth.
• D&C 49: 15-16…M. is necessary
• D&C 131: 1-4…Obtain Celestial Glory
• Jacob 2: 27-28…Whoredome bad; one wife
• 2 Nephi 9: 36…Whoredoms- hell.
• 1 Nephi 16: 7-8…M. is a commandment from God
• Jacob 2: 24-27, 30…The Lord will command plural marriage when it’s necessary
• Will Smith’s Wisdom on Love
• “Like a Broken Vessel”, Talk by Jeffrey R. Holland
• “…No other experiences of life draw us nearer to heaven than those that exist between happy parents and happy children.” (Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, Nov. 1994, 54)
• “Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. Most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull… Life is like an old-time rail journey – delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.” (Gordon B. Hinckley, Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley [1997], 254)
• Spender W. Kimball, “Those who are careful and thoughtful in courtship will usually be careful and thoughtful in marriage. Those who thoughtfully enter the house of the Lord to be sealed for time and eternity are much less likely to experience divorce and difficulty, not only because of the influence of that sealing ceremony, but because usually they are better prepared for marriage in the first place. They have not only their love for each other, but a common bond of love for the gospel of Jesus Christ, which they knew before they knew each other. They also have some sense of the spirit of sacrifice and selflessness which underlies every happy marriage in countless ways.” From the Book “Priesthood” printed in 1981.
• Spencer W. Kimball, 1969 General Conference,”I am grateful to my parents, for they made reservoirs for my brothers, my sisters, and myself. They filled them with prayer habits, study, activities, positive services, and truth and righteousness. Every morning and every night, we knelt at our chairs with backs to the table and prayed, taking turns. When I was married, the habit persisted, and our new family continued the practice.”
• “We teach our daughters to look carefully for spiritual strength, dependability, consistency, kindness, and yes, ambition in young men they date and may choose to marry. I want my sons-in-law not only to lead out spiritually and provide a loving atmosphere for my daughters and grandchildren but to be industrious, hard working, to have goals in life, to be progressing toward something of worth in their profession or trade. I assume most fathers feel the same way.” (Men of Influence, 23)
• “You may come to that moment of real love, of total union, only to discover to your horror that what you should have saved has been spent.” Of Souls, Symbols and Sacraments, Jeffrey R. Holland
• “Such an act of love between a man and a woman is-or certainly was ordained to be- a symbol of total union: union of their hearts, their hopes, their lives, their love, their family, their future, their everything. It is a symbol that we try to suggest in the temple with a word like seal. The Prophet Joseph Smith once said we perhaps could render such a sacred bond as welding- that those united in matrimony and eternal families are welded together, inseparable if you will, to withstand the temptations of the adversary and the afflictions of mortality,” Of Souls, Symbols and Sacraments, Jeffrey R. Holland
• “…such a total, virtually unbreakable union, such an unyielding commitment between a man and a woman, can come only with the proximity and permanence afforded in a marriage covenant, with the union of all that they possess- their very hearts and minds, all their days and all their dreams. They work together, they cry together, they enjoy Brahms and Beethoven and breakfast together, they sacrifice and save and live together for all the abundance that such a totally intimate life provides such a couple. And the external symbol of that union, the physical manifestation of what is far deeper spiritual and metaphysical bonding, is the physical blending that is par of- indeed, a most beautiful and gratifying expression of- that larger, more complete union of eternal purpose and promise.” Of Souls, Symbols and Sacraments, Jeffrey R. Holland
• “As all couples come to that moment of bonding in mortality, it is to be just such a complete union. That commandment cannot be fulfilled, and that symbolism of “one flesh” cannot be preserved, if we hastily, guiltily, and surreptitiously share intimacy in a darkened corner of a darkened hour, then just as hastily, guiltily, and surreptitiously retreat to our separate worlds- not to eat or live or cry or laugh together, not to do the laundry and the dishes and the homework, not to manage a budget and pay the bills and tend the children and plan together for the future. No, we cannot do that until we are truly one- united, bound, linked, tied, welded, sealed, married.” Of Souls, Symbols and Sacraments, Jeffrey R. Holland
• “Two people may marry for physical gratification and then discover that the illusion of union collapses under the weight of intellectual, social, and spiritual incompatibilities….” Of Souls, Symbols and Sacraments, Jeffrey R. Holland
• “Our sexuality has been animalized, stripped of the intricacy of feeling with which human beings have endowed it, leaving us to contemplate only the act, and to fear our impotence in it. It is this animalization from which the sexual manuals cannot escape, even when they try to do so, because they are reflections of it. They might as well be textbooks for the veterinarians.” Fairlie, The Seven Deadly Sins Today (Notre Dame, Ind.: University of Notre Dame Press, 1979)
• “Sexual union is…a sacrament of the highest order, a union not only of a man and a woman but very much the union of that man and that woman with God.” Of Souls, Symbols and Sacraments, Jeffrey R. Holland
• “Indeed, if our definition of sacrament is that act of claiming, sharing, and exercising God’s own inestimable power, then I know of virtually no other divine privilege so routinely given to us all- women or men, ordained or unordained, Latter-Day Saint or non-Latter-day Saint- than the miraculous and majestic power of transmitting life, the unspeakable, unfathomable, unbroken power of procreation. There are those special moments in our lives when the other, more formal ordinances of the gospel- the sacraments, if you will- allow us to feel the grace and grandeur of God’s power. Many are on-time experiences (such as our own confirmation or our own marriage), and some are repeatable (such as administering to the sick or doing ordinance work for others in the temple). But I know of nothing so earth-shatteringly powerful and yet so universally and unstintingly given to us as the God-given power available in every one of us from our early teen years on to create a human body, that wonder of all wonders, a genetically and spiritually unique being never before seen in the history of the world and never to be duplicated again in all the ages of eternity: a child, our child- with eyes and ears and fingers and toes and a future of unspeakable grandeur.” Of Souls, Symbols and Sacraments, Jeffrey R. Holland
• “Criticism and blame are addictions. They are costly addictions, because they are the number-one destroyer of intimacy in close relationships.” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (Gay Hendricks) Page 76
• “For example, once Kathlyn and I figured out that our arguments were Upper Limit symptoms, we were able to reduce drastically the number of conflicts we had. As of this writing, we haven’t had an argument in more than twelve years. We re-channeled all that wasted argument energy into creative energy, writing four books together and giving several hundred presentations together during those twelve years.” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level(Gay Hendricks)- Highlight on Page 84
• “What about those accusations of sexual flirtation, though? Where were they coming from? I knew from past experience that when you hide feelings inside yourself, you start seeing them in other people. This is especially true with sexual feelings. I wondered if Sarah had felt a sexual attraction to someone else, hidden those feelings away deep inside her, and suddenly started focusing on her husband’s sexual feelings. If so, she wouldn’t be the first (or the five millionth) person to do this. It’s called projection, and there are dozens of chapters in the psychology textbooks on how it works. Simply put, if you have some emotion within you that you don’t know how to manage, you seal that emotion away and start trying to manage other people’s versions of it.” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (Gay Hendricks)- Page 103
• “Here’s something I’ve learned from many experiences of helping people resolve conflicts. Under the surface of most conflicts, you’ll find that the warring parties are actually feeling the same deeper emotions. Two people may be locked in an angry conflict for weeks. When they get beneath the roiled surface of the issue, however, they discover that the real issue is that they’re both sad about something they’ve both kept hidden. They’ve been so locked into proving each other wrong that they haven’t taken a moment to contact the true heart of the issue.” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (Gay Hendricks)- Page 106
• “When you’re embracing your beloved, though, your awareness flows in the opposite direction, toward space. When you’re with your beloved, every cell in your body yearns to be in union with him or her. Your awareness flows out toward your periphery. You want to occupy every possible smidgen of space in the yearned-for present. When you’re in love, you relax into the space around you and in you, and as your consciousness expands into space, time disappears. If you even remember to glance at a clock, you notice that time has leaped forward in great spurts. Entire hours can disappear in the wink of an eye. When your heart is beating in time with your beloved’s, your every cell is reaching out for total union. You forget about time. When you’re willing to occupy all space, time simply disappears. You’re everywhere all at once, there’s no place to get to, and everywhere you are it’s exactly the right time.” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (Gay Hendricks)- Highlight on Page 168
• “Much of the energy in troubled relationships is drained through power struggles about who’s right, who’s wrong, and who’s the biggest victim.” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (Gay Hendricks)- Highlight on Page 189
• “Relationships—healthy ones, that is—exist only between equals.” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (Gay Hendricks)- Highlight on Page 189
• “Just noticing how you limit love and positive energy solves much of the problem. Do you bring yourself down with food? Do you drink too much? Do you deflect compliments? Do you find yourself thinking of something else while making love? Do you get sick the day of an opportunity for intimacy in the relationship? Do you hold back on communicating instead of reaching out to people?” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (Gay Hendricks)- Highlight on Page 190
• “If we always have to be right, for example, there is no room in the relationship to be happy.” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (Gay Hendricks)- Highlight on Page 191
• “If you’re a successful person in a close relationship, you will likely find the following suggestions helpful. Make sure you take plenty of time for yourself, in a space apart from your partner. It could even be in the next room, so long as the intention is to nurture the independent part of you. Human beings have twin drives of equal power: the urge to merge and the urge to be an autonomous person. For a relationship to thrive, both drives need to be celebrated. A close relationship stirs up powerful trans-formative energies, and you need lots of rest time to integrate the rapid-fire stimulation that a relationship provides. If you can learn to take time off from the relationship consciously, you won’t need to do it unconsciously by starting arguments and engaging in other intimacy-destroying moves. Go on solo walks, take in a movie by yourself, spend an afternoon doing whatever the spirit moves you to do. These periods of battery-charging alone time give you the ability to master longer and longer periods of closeness when you’re in union with your beloved. Put a priority on speaking the microscopic truth, especially about what is going on in your emotions. Get skilled at simple microscopic truths such as “I’m sad,” “I’m scared,” and “I feel angry.” Communicating about feelings, dreams, desires, and other inner experiences creates deep intimacy in relationships. None of us gets any training in how to communicate about these simple things, and our lack of training is very costly. When emotions are in the air, as they often will be in close relationships, don’t try to talk yourself or your partner out of them. Eliminate phrases such as “Please don’t cry” and “There’s nothing to be angry about.” Feelings are to be felt, so encourage each other to go through complete cycles of emotions. If you’re sad, let yourself feel that way until you don’t feel sad anymore. Same thing with fear, anger, happiness, and other feelings. It’s the act of stifling and concealing feelings that causes problems in relationships. Give yourself and your partner plenty of nonsexual touch. Sexual touch is great, but humans need nonsexual touch in large quantities. A loving hand squeeze or a touch on the shoulder communicates love and caring in ways no words can. After soaring to a new height of intense intimacy, bring yourself back to ground in a positive way. Many people, when they enjoy a time of deep closeness, unconsciously create an argument or accident to get their feet back on the ground. It’s not necessary to use a painful method of grounding yourself. It works much better, and is much more fun, to come back to earth by doing some earthy dancing, taking a walk on the surface of the earth, or cleaning out a closet full of your earthly possessions. Cultivate at least three friends with whom you can form a No-Upper-Limits conspiracy. The word conspiracy comes from two Latin roots that together mean “to breathe together.” That’s the kind of conspiracy I want you to create. I want you to feel the power of two or more people in harmony, working toward a benign goal that’s good for all. You and the other members of your conspiracy will educate each other on the Upper Limit Problem. You will spot each other running Upper Limit behaviors such as worrying, getting sick, having accidents, and so forth. You and your conspiracy will gently remind each other that you create the quality of your life experience out of your beliefs. You’ll remind each other to examine those beliefs to make sure they’re giving you room for ultimate success in love and life. When you trip and fall, as we all tend to do from time to time, you and your co-conspirators will remind each other to take a deep breath, center yourselves, and open up again to feeling more love, abundance, and success than you’ve ever before enjoyed.” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (Gay Hendricks)- Highlight on Page 191-192
• “You can tell more about a person’s true spirituality from the way he or she treats his or her partner than you ever could from tallying that person’s church attendance.” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (Gay Hendricks)- Highlight on Page 196
• “The key to spiritual development through relationship is being open to learning from every moment of interaction. By doing so, we welcome the ups and downs of relationship instead of resisting them. We approach each moment with an open mind and a willing heart. This attitude cuts down on friction, enhances the possibility of deep connection, and keeps us from being battered when turbulence occurs.” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (Gay Hendricks)- Highlight on Page 196
• “The critical determinant of the quality of your relationships is the amount of time that you spend face-to-face with the people you love, and who love you in return.” Eat That Frog, Brian Tracy, Page 52
• “I gave him the assignment of going cold turkey with criticism and blame. I asked him to call a complete halt to criticizing his wife about money. To engage his competitive powers, I told him I highly doubted he could stop criticizing his wife about money for even one day. Jutting his jaw defiantly, he took up the challenge. When he and his wife came in for their next session, they both looked about ten years younger. They had even taken his assignment to a higher level, both of them deciding to eliminate criticism in general from their relationship. He told me that they had spent a delightful week “celebrating what we have rather than carping about what we don’t have.”” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (Gay Hendricks) Page 68
• “Controllers can devastate their children’s lives, dangling money like a carrot on a stick to ‘encourage’ children to go to the right school, get the right job, or marry the right person.” Beating the Midas Curse, by Perry L. Cochell and Rodney C. Zeeb, Page 47
• “Criticism and blame are addictions. They are costly addictions, because they are the number-one destroyer of intimacy in close relationships.” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (Gay Hendricks) Page 76
• “For example, once Kathlyn and I figured out that our arguments were Upper Limit symptoms, we were able to reduce drastically the number of conflicts we had. As of this writing, we haven’t had an argument in more than twelve years. We re-channeled all that wasted argument energy into creative energy, writing four books together and giving several hundred presentations together during those twelve years.” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level(Gay Hendricks) Page 84
• “I speak against verbal and emotional abuse of anyone against anyone, but especially of husbands against wives. These things ought not to be. Yet the sin of verbal abuse knows no gender. Wives, what of the unbridled tongue in your mouth, of the power for good or ill in your words? How is it that such a lovely voice, which by divine nature is so angelic, so close to the veil, so instinctively gentle and inherently kind, could ever in turn be so shrill, so biting, so acrid and untamed? A woman’s words can be more piercing than any dagger ever forged, and they can drive the people she loves to retreat beyond a barrier more distant than anyone would ever have imagined when such a verbal exchange was beginning. There is no place in that magnificent spirit of yours for acerbic or abrasive expression of any kind, including gossip or backbiting or catty remarks.” Broken Things to Mend (Jeffrey R. Holland) Kindle Loc. 624-30
• “I have heard very fearful and even dismal opinions coming from some in your age group regarding the questions that missionary had in mind. I have heard some of you say that you wonder whether there is any purpose in going on a mission or getting an education or planning for a career if the world we live in is going to be so uncertain. I have even heard sweethearts say, “We don’t know whether we should get married in such uncertain times.” Worst of all, I have heard reports of some newlyweds questioning whether they should bring children into a terror-filled world on the brink of latter-day cataclysms. May I tell you that, in a way, those kinds of attitudes worry me more than Al-Qaeda worries me. We must never, in any age or circumstance, let fear and the father of fear (Satan himself) divert us from our faith and faithful living. There have always been questions about the future. Every young person and every young couple in every era has had to walk by faith into what has always been some uncertainty—starting with Adam and Eve in those first tremulous steps out of the Garden of Eden. But that is all right. This is the plan. It will be okay. Just be faithful. God is in charge. He knows your name and He knows your need.” Broken Things to Mend (Jeffrey R. Holland) Kindle Loc. 778-87
• Jacob 2:27… Wherefore, my brethren, hear me and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any man among you have to save it be one wife, and concubines he shall have none;28 For I, the Lord God, delight in the chastity of women. And whoredoms are an abomination before me; thus saith the Lord of Hosts.
• Jacob 2:31…For behold, I, the Lord, have seen the sorrow, and heard the mourning of the daughters of my people in the land of Jerusalem, yea, and in all the lands of my people, because of the wickedness and abominations of their husbands.32 And I will not suffer, saith the Lord of Hosts, that the cries of the fair daughters of this people, which I have led out of the land of Jerusalem, shall come up unto me against the men of my people, saith the Lord of Hosts.33 For they shall not lead away captive the daughters of my people because of their tenderness, save I shall visit them with a sore curse, even unto destruction; for they shall not commit whoredoms, like unto them of old, saith the Lord of Hosts…35… Behold, ye have done greater iniquities than the Lamanites, our brethren. Ye have broken the hearts of your tender wives, and lost the confidence of your children, because of your bad examples before them; and the sobbings of their hearts ascend up to God against you. And because of the strictness of the word of God, which cometh down against you, many hearts died, pierced with deep wounds.
• Jacob 3:5-7… Behold, the Lamanites your brethren, whom ye hate because of their filthiness and the cursing which hath come upon their skins, are more righteous than you; for they have not forgotten the commandment of the Lord, which was given unto our father—that they should have save it were one wife, and concubines they should have none, and there should not be whoredoms committed among them.6 And now, this commandment they observe to keep; wherefore, because of this observance, in keeping this commandment, the Lord God will not destroy them, but will be merciful unto them; and one day they shall become a blessed people.7 Behold, their husbands love their wives, and their wives love their husbands; and their husbands and their wives love their children; and their unbelief and their hatred towards you is because of the iniquity of their fathers; wherefore, how much better are you than they, in the sight of your great Creator?
• “The Prophet Joseph Smith taught wives that they should treat their husbands “with mildness and affection. When a man is borne down with trouble, when he is perplexed with care and difficulty, if he can meet a smile instead of an argument or a murmur—if he can meet with mildness, it will calm down his soul and soothe his feelings” Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith [1976], 228. Gospel Doctrine Teacher’s Manual, Lesson 10: “This Is My Voice unto All”)
• “The Prophet taught husbands, “It is the duty of a husband to love, cherish, and nourish his wife, and cleave unto her and none else; he ought to honor her as himself, and he ought to regard her feelings with tenderness” (Elders’ Journal, Aug. 1838, 61). (Gospel Doctrine Teacher’s Manual, Lesson 10: “This Is My Voice unto All”)
• “Joseph and Emma Smith were a great support to each other during the many times of affliction they faced. In 1842, when Joseph was in hiding because his life was in danger, Emma was able to visit him. Joseph later said about this visit:“With what unspeakable delight, and what transports of joy swelled my bosom, when I took by the hand, on that night, my beloved Emma—she that was my wife, even the wife of my youth, and the choice of my heart. Many were the reverberations of my mind when I contemplated for a moment the many scenes we had been called to pass through, the fatigues and the toils, the sorrows and sufferings, and the joys and consolations, from time to time, which had strewed our paths. … Oh what a commingling of thought filled my mind for the moment, again she is here, … undaunted, firm, and unwavering—unchangeable, affectionate Emma!” (History of the Church, 5:107). Gospel Doctrine Teacher’s Manual, Lesson 10: “This Is My Voice unto All”
• “Deafness represents longstanding refusal to listen to someone. Notice that when one partner has a hearing impairment, the other partner often talks and talks and talks.”  You Can Heal Your Life (Louise Hay) Page 124
• Jacob 2:27 -28…27  Wherefore, my brethren, hear me, and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any man among you have save it be one wife; and concubines he shall have none; 28  For I, the Lord God, delight in the chastity of women. And whoredoms are an abomination before me; thus saith the Lord of Hosts.
• Jacob 3:5 -7…5  Behold, the Lamanites your brethren, whom ye hate because of their filthiness and the cursing which hath come upon their skins, are more righteous than you; for they have not forgotten the commandment of the Lord, which was given unto our father—that they should have save it were one wife, and concubines they should have none, and there should not be whoredoms committed among them.  6 And now, this commandment they observe to keep; wherefore, because of this observance, in keeping this commandment, the Lord God will not destroy them, but will be merciful unto them; and one day they shall become a blessed people. 7 Behold, their husbands love their wives, and their wives love their husbands; and their husbands and their wives love their children; and their unbelief and their hatred towards you is because of the iniquity of their fathers; wherefore, how much better are you than they, in the sight of your great Creator?
• “Making the break with Salt Lake City, where Dantzel and Russell were surrounded by family and lifelong friends, was a great adventure and a bit unnerving all at the same time. Many years later, however, Russell would say, “Leaving the nest is the best marriage glue I can imagine, because a husband and wife have to deal with their challenges together. They can’t go running home to Momma or to Daddy. You tough it out and figure it out.” Insights from a Prophet’s Life, Russell M. Nelson, Page 23
• “For married couples aged 65, there is a 57% chance that one spouse will live past age 90. The wealthier half of society lives, on average, 5.8 years longer than the other half.” Rich man, poor man: The life expectancy gap, Monique Morrissey
• May 19, 1995- Tuesday – Quito Ecuador…“We were going to go shopping today with the Castillo’s but we decided rather to come home.  We had a little misunderstanding, Elder Hanks & I, so we ended up talking for 2 hours.  He’s a stud.  I’m learning a lot about myself because of him.  I need to watch my pride and my way to share ideas.  I usually share my ideas almost obligating the people.  It’s because I talk with a lot of confidence and really feel I’m right.  It’s something I need to watch.” – Clinton Brown Missionary Journal