- “For example, once Kathlyn and I figured out that our arguments were Upper Limit symptoms, we were able to reduce drastically the number of conflicts we had. As of this writing, we haven’t had an argument in more than twelve years. We re-channeled all that wasted argument energy into creative energy, writing four books together and giving several hundred presentations together during those twelve years.” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (Gay Hendricks) Page 84
- “First, understand why arguments occur. Arguments are caused by two people (or two countries) racing to occupy the victim’s position in the relationship. Person A claims the victim position (“Why are you doing this to me?”) and then tries to get person B to agree with that assessment. In other words, person B has to agree that he or she is the persecutor. Therein lies the problem. It’s almost impossible to get the other guy to agree that it’s his fault.” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (Gay Hendricks) Page 85
- “PERSON A: Why are you making me so miserable? This problem is entirely your fault. PERSON B: Wow, thanks for pointing that out. I agree completely. It’s clear that I’m the perpetrator, you’re the victim, and your misery is entirely my fault. However, I have seen about five thousand variations on the following: PERSON A: Why are you making me so miserable? This problem is entirely your fault. PERSON B: I’m making you miserable? I’m the one who’s the victim here. It’s your fault, not mine. I’ve been putting up with your guff so long I ought to get some sort of martyrdom prize! PERSON A: That’s absurd. Let me tell you all the reasons I’m the real victim here. PERSON B: Great. Then when you get through, I’ll tell you how all of them are your fault, always have been, and always will be. Once the race for the victim position is underway, each person must find some way to out-victim the other. In other words, each person must present an escalating series of “proofs” that he or she is the real victim.” The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (Gay Hendricks) Page 85
- “The Prophet Joseph Smith taught wives that they should treat their husbands “with mildness and affection. When a man is borne down with trouble, when he is perplexed with care and difficulty, if he can meet a smile instead of an argument or a murmur—if he can meet with mildness, it will calm down his soul and soothe his feelings” Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, Joseph Fielding Smith [1976], 228. Gospel Doctrine Teacher’s Manual, Lesson 10: “This Is My Voice unto All”)
- “I generally prefer taking a page from the playbook of the other Chicago Jerry—Jerry Reinsdorf. He once said that the best way to handle most flare-ups is to sleep on them. The point is to avoid acting out of anger and creating an even stickier mess. And if you’re lucky, the problem may resolve itself.” Eleven Rings: The Soul of Success. Phil Jackson and Hugh Delehanty. Page 237
- “One of my wife’s mottoes has been “In order to contend, you need two people, and I will never be one of them.” The Lord has clearly described the attributes which should guide our dealings with other people. These are persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, and love unfeigned.” Enrique R. Falabella, April 2013 General Conference