- April 30th, 1995 – Sunday. Quito Ecuador… “I just got finished thinking a bit. For a good while before I was a little scared inside because I wasn’t being as obedient as I know I should’ve been. I would think a lot of the scriptures, and how the men would always receive punishments or tough trials when they weren’t righteous. They would receive these things to be reminded of the Lord & to be humbled. I was always scared that something would happen to me to frighten me to repent, or humble me to repent. At times I even asked for an experience that would change my attitude, that would help me to drop a lot of my carnal desires & sins. Well, the Lord did answer me. Because Elder Norris told me that experience of Satan which helped to make a change for the better. But I still wasn’t even close. I still had an inner feeling and knowledge that I had to change even more. Well, I kind of put it in the back of my mind, justifying my little sins – I mean, I was spiritually strong enough – Right?? Yesterday, right when I saw that poor kid dead in the street, a song entered my head that said “Do you hear me? I can feel you near me. It’s the answer that I’ve been longing for.” Seeing this boy woke me up. It was the answer that I was needing. It hurts me to think that I didn’t have the common sense or strength enough to repent for myself. The Lord had to humble me through this experience. It’s sad for me to think that one of the reasons for this kid’s death was to help me to re-evaluate my life and repent of the picky things that in my mind weren’t too big of a deal.”
- 29 of Abril, 1995 – Saturday (10 months as a missionary). Quito Ecuador…. “Today was a day I soon won’t forget. I got up today with a weird feeling. Almost the same as yesterday. I felt a little weird inside & spiritually…..confused. I just didn’t feel complete as a missionary or like something was going to happen! My thoughts were all over the place, and I had a feeling to cry. It was as if something really big was going to happen. I prayed for strength, to have much more of the Spirit, to be a better missionary. I promised I’d quit doing the little sins & that I’d control my thoughts. Elder Hanks too felt really unusual. Well, we left the house to catch a bus. Elder Pickrell & Fernandez told us that a boy had been hit by a car. Well, we saw the crowd gathered and I had a feeling that this was what the Lord wanted me to see. To wake me up. Well, Elder Hanks & I looked & there was a boy, with a newspaper over his body laying down. All you could see was blood and his brain 5 feet away. Needless to day I was big time shook up and started to think of life, the plan of salvation, death, my family, and I started to evaluate my life. I need to make a lot of changes. Life is so fragile. It helped me realize how close each & everyone of us are close to death. I re-evaluated my way of living & have decided to make a few changes. I know that the Lord has something big time prepared for me. I think he wants me to shape up so that I can be a better instrument in His hands. I don’t know exactly what he wants me to do, but he sure is preparing me to find out. He’s humbling me and is helping me to remember Him. I pray I’m worthy for whatever is going to happen, and ready.” – Clinton Brown Missionary Journal