- May 21, 1995- Tuesday – Quito Ecuador…“I realized that I really wasn’t advancing as much as I thought spiritually. I’d tell my parents of experiences and they’d say “That’s great. That’s why you’re there.” It’s true. I’m thinking that I’m too great. I’m living in a secluded mission, and when I get back to the States the people will just have “Returned Missionary” put on my forehead and just think “He learned a lot and had a lot of experiences”. Like something normal. Here I am thinking I’m progressing so much (which I am) and that after the mission the people are going to give me respect like the members here, but it won’t happen. I’ll just be a regular RM.” – Clinton Brown Missionary Journal
- May 21, 1995- Tuesday – Quito Ecuador…“Today has been an interesting day. I’ve been tired all day, plus a little down. Elder Hanks & I woke up today & I asked him how his phone call was last night (We didn’t have a chance to talk). He told me that his Dad had told him that he had not lived up to his potential as a missionary. (I don’t know if he said it in these words, but that was the conclusion that Elder Hanks made). It hurt me to think of the torment that Elder Hanks has to be going through. After giving it all, and thinking you’d given your all, to hear your own dad say that you didn’t fulfill faithfully – I’d be devastated. Well it made me think of how unimportant we are as missionaries. We live here in South America where the church is very young. The members look at us as heroes, know it all, and men inspired of God. They have us on a pedestal. After talking with my parents & listening to Elder Hanks, I felt so useless. We’re just two boys serving our time like the rest of them have. Before I was 100% confident & felt a ton of myself, but today I was very humbled.” – Clinton Brown Missionary Journal